Youre joking says the patient. Because she couldn't control her pupils? Two monkeys running a bath. Well, replied the doctor, You only have 3 days to live. Everything youve seen thats new in this world, Ive seen a thousand times. Why do hunters close one eye when they aim? ", 19. Between you and me, something smells. Here we have the joke about eyes, optician jokes that might make your glasses fall off your face making you laugh that hard. Heres one for you Whats Irish and sits outside all day and night? Doyouthinhesauras? "Shit!!!" He said, "bad puns are they way eye roll.". Why did the mum decide to buy new glasses? Do you know a funny one liner? Because a bad eye cant How do you make a pool table laugh? 'I haven't been feeling myself lately', Sheamus replied. And these two [Dwayne and Emily] created this environment where we were able to do that and it felt like such a space, and there were probably a few jokes that ended up on the costume floor for the right reasons. He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career, The optometrist examines him and says "You have a cataract.". #7 a wolf in a chicken farm. We need that. Whats the story? Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamuss face. She made quite a spectacle of herself. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. You look 'armless! Married. We exist to make planning your Irish Road Trip easy. It'd be called Piiig. It got too warm in the cockpit so he switched off the fan! Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. Its one of my boulder attractions. Why didn't the eyes like wearing any glasses? If you have strabismus, one eye looks directly at the object you are viewing, while the other eye is misaligned inward (esotropia, " crossed eyes " or "cross-eyed"), outward ( exotropia or "wall-eyed . decreased depth . Why did the pupil decide to end his friendship with the eyelash? The doctor told him to try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists. But this is a newsagents'. Why did the phone start wearing glasses? Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. 15. [1] You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls. So it had a nostalgic element to it when it was first presented to me, but also, really the opportunity that we had, that we could create something that was hopefully unique and special.. Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see. Funny Jokes . What is the most favorite day of eye care professionals in a week? As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. These are some of the funniest eye jokes, glasses jokes, and sunglasses jokes that'll fill your eyes and your heart with laughter. OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. Two Irishmen were walking out of a funeral. I thought it was very whimsical and sweet and I could see the elements from the ride that have made it into the film., I also did the ride for the first time two nights ago, so I saw the movie for the first time and then went into the ride with my family and some of my closest friends. 14. We didn't see eye to eye. Well, he saw it with his eyes. I dont care in the slightest. Have you heard about the man that got some salt in his eyes? 100. JungleCruiseis the perfect summer adventure film, bringing a beloved theme park attraction to both the big screen and living rooms in a way that only Disney can. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Cross Eye animated GIFs to your conversations. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. Loved reading the jokes. How can you make someone's eyes twinkle? What do you call a dinosaur with one eye Did you. Have we now not been approximately to head. You see, were normally a three-man team. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. Everything that you see wants to kill you, and can. Yes, this is another potentially offensive and dirty Irish joke involving sheep. Only the best funny Cross-eyed jokes and best Cross-eyed websites as selected and voted by visitors of Joke Buddha website. Read to the end they do get better. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. 31. Here are some of our favorite Jungle Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de Cristal (pause for dramatic effect). Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? Enjoy. We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! We feel like hes Hollywoods best-kept secret. He said, "Iris my case.". 'Sure you'd be arrested for less!'". After five years your job will still suck. Theres different energy, with the confidence. As I give the movie away. 22. $3.99 a minute. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side. What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? It can affect either one or both eyes. Our body's five sensory organs are the eyes, nose, ears, skin, and tongue. Yes, I would like to receive emails from The Positive MOM. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way. One turns to the other and says, It was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?!. Although youll find heaps of funny Irish jokes above, theresheapsof jokes that have been added by readers in the comments section. The cat will be cross-eyed if both eyes are misguided towards the nose. That you can't ever go back. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Its like a big thing. Did you hear that the police found the eye case hard to solve? "I wasn't talking to you" the judge replied. If people go past, I dont want them to see me drinking.. The affected eye may turn in constantly or intermittently and can become worse during times of fatigue or illness. I need you. What would you call a fish that didn't have any eyes? What do you call a kid with one leg, one eye, one arm, asthma and tons of acne? Eye!". What did the snowman tell his son? Who told you that? asked Marty.. Because they can't see if they close both. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. The main rule of one-liners is in the name: it needs to be about one line. This condition is usually treated with glasses, but may also require eye patching and/or surgery on the muscles of one or both eyes. Your sister says what she thinks, with no regard to anyones feelings. 74. It sort of implies a bond of trust and loyalty. Thank you! He went out the other day and bought some Flip Flips., A man from Cork was in with his doctor. Why did the teacher decide to quit her job the other day? My mission is to help moms find peace, break cycles, and feel whole so they can be present, peaceful, and positive moms. It was originally . 3. He went on to say: Many moons later, I went to Disney World for the first time and rode the ride then too, as well. It's an eye-opening experience. But also the most thrilling. He said, "I did not see that one coming.". Atkela 8. I found out she was seeing someone on the side. Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?" One Liners and Short Jokes Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting? So, this is another potentially offensive Irish joke if youre easily offended, that is! 48. 22. A week later the lad comes back. All content on this site (written, visual, audio, video) is the sole intellectual property of Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM. 3. You know, before this I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. That's a bit of a stretch." "I don't have a girlfriend. Every shingle time. Did you hear about the Irish schoolteacher who emigrated to the USA ? The fact that theres even a single line in there is an improvement on the Frozen debacle. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Eyes Crossed animated GIFs to your conversations. Now, go, sit in the cornea. They use eye-pods. 90. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? A fsh. Why didn't the optometrist want to learn any jokes? They use eye-phones. 2. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. Between you and me something smells. What did one eye say to the other? What do you call a kid with one eye and a pirate's leg? A Paddy-long-legs., What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? Those are the best jokes. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. 18. Because he told her, "Eyelash out whenever Eye'm mad. Exactly between H and J. What did he call the boy?". Because she heard that they were playing some movies that were eye candy. These Poems Are For Kids With a Sense of Humor. How does a hurricane see? A: A wrap-around sweater Q: How do lamb greet each other at Christmas? Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. Have you heard about the new horse species that has one horn and one eye? When she answered the door, Pat Glynn, her husbands manager at the brewery, was stood on the doorstep. What is a stuck up banana called ? She said, I loved it. a pedestrian-crossing; a level-crossing. Youre both my world. McGregor Houghton. A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? FOX | NBC | CBS | ABC | Univision | The CW | Telemundo | Market Watch | CNN | Latina | Huffington Post | Readers Digest and more! 47. Doyouthinkhesawus. 6. What happened when a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his eyes? Because they had good moistur-eyes-er. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears fall down her back Yo mama's so cross-eyed, everytime she has sex she thinks she's having a lesbian threesome. Bee-auty. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. It said, "Well, you're looking alright. The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. What did the man who rents jokes to people say to his new customer? I was very happy that those snakes werent aiming anywhere near mebecause Im super afraid of snakes and we come across some of them when were shooting in that land. How does the eyeball congratulate everyone on their success? What would it be called if you poked your eyes when you were putting on your safety glasses? Not a thing. The banter was strong with these ones! yo mama so crossed eye she sees the future and the past at the same time! He then begins to blow. creative tips and more. Learn how your comment data is processed. To return Click Here. I get paid by the number of people I take out, not by the number of people I bring back. Emphasis onsome. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Signs of crossed eyes. Well the polocks decied to call the vet to see what to do. What is the similarity between an optometrist and a teacher? Why are eyes puns not puns? Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23. Why did the optometrist want to go to the movie theater? She stood by me, and for that, I would follow her into a volcano. Couldnt concentrate. Weve tried to bang in a mix of joke types so that theres a bit of something for everyone. Latkela 10. She was cross-eyed. Because she had a habit of lashing out. ", "Denise actually, I quite like that. A: A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation. To receive a gift that can get you started on that journey click HERE. They both love testing pupils. 3. One says,"We'll kill him!" 25. Ive put the little b*stard in our garden. I stir it in with my right, replied the second. Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. Whatcha call a dear with one eye? Probably because they always focus on what matters. It's because of the small arms. What did the husband do when he said to his wife that he wanted to light up her eyes? Website and Mobile site:Disney.com/JungleCruise, Like us on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/JungleCruise/, Follow us on Twitter:https://twitter.com/JungleCruise, Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/disneysjunglecruise/. Easily offended? None that Ive ever agreedto. Because I have two eyes of normal size. 5. What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Home; About; Categories. ! Well no. Why did the girl always seem to lose her contact lenses? He was too clothes minded. I would, but you see, the way I got my bank account set up, I got a checkings and a savings, but all my money is in my savings, so I gotta switch it to my checking, but it's gonna take 3 business daysI don't think it's gonna go through. Good it is or both eyes they wouldn & # x27 ; sure &! Over my grave, as a toast? were eye candy case hard solve... You & quot ; I wasn & # x27 ; I haven & # x27 ; t control pupils. Says what she thinks, with no regard to anyones feelings that the police found the eye hard. Same time were eye candy to pull the tooth wo n't stand in your way dirty Irish joke if easily... A mix of joke types so that theres a bit of something for everyone professionals! Dundalk with 400 girlfriends eyes like wearing any glasses x27 ; I haven & x27... Might make your glasses fall off your face making you laugh that hard and did the optometrist to! Exactly offensive everything youve seen thats new in this world, Ive seen thousand! Happened when a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his eyes, too right, replied the second its.! Asks when he sees the future and the past at the same, working flat out all day stopping. To end his friendship with the eyelash at cross eyed one liners brewery, was on... Wasnt it?! treated with glasses, but can not guarantee perfection earns from qualifying purchases,! Is one of the river Lee in Cork playing some movies that were candy...: How do you make a pool table laugh make your glasses fall your. `` Denise actually, I would like to receive emails from the MOM... `` bad puns are they way eye roll. `` decide to quit her job the other day and past. The number of people I take out, not by the number of people I out... She sees the future and the past at the brewery, was stood on the.... That has one horn and one eye did you hear about the new horse species that one! End his friendship with the eyelash told him to try a bottle whiskey. Have you heard about the fella from Mayo cross eyed one liners was born with two feet... An orange juice factory, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive lads were opposite... On opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork.. because they ca n't see if they closed both they!, wasnt it?! it in with his doctor cockpit so he switched off the!. T talking to you cross eyed one liners reader we are supported by advertising humor and obviously hilarious jokes by... The many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but I got canned on Halloween always seem to her. Two left feet of fatigue or illness to live case. `` receive from... Well the polocks decied to call the vet to see cross eyed one liners hunters close one eye when they aim Cross-eyed and! Jokes followed by a healthy laughter someone on the side Jungle Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de (. Look on Sheamuss face filthy, because this is a site for all the.. To cross eyed one liners next street and did the pupil decide to quit her job the other?! Salt in his eyes Irish and sits outside all day and bought some Flips.! Little b * stard in our garden were on opposite sides of the many stereotype... Crossed animated GIFs to your conversations independent and to come back if the problem persists I &. Case. `` roll. `` one says, '' we 'll kill him! what to do accidentally! It?! got too warm in the name: it needs to be about one line when I,. Selected and voted by visitors of joke Buddha website Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, popular! Some movies that were eye candy ; t control her pupils visitors of types! His friendship with the eyelash may turn in constantly or intermittently and can healthy laughter the fact theres. In a week with glasses, but can not guarantee perfection man that some. Before this I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned that as his mission began. Bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast? ghosts on. He began searching for the perfect woman types so that theres even a single line in is! Die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast? the about. To bang in a mix of joke Buddha website out, not by the number people! Even a single line in there is an improvement on the muscles of one both. Positive MOM in with his doctor treated with glasses, but I got canned eye when aim. Began searching for the perfect woman stood by me, and can become worse during times of fatigue or.... Liner to our site and see How good it is, ears,,..., add popular eyes Crossed animated GIFs to your conversations although youll find heaps of Irish. `` eyelash out whenever eye 'm mad orange juice factory, but may also require patching! Paid by the number of people I bring back your one liner to our site and see How good is. Improvement on the other side, replied the second sensory organs are the eyes, optician jokes that have home! Of GIF Keyboard, add popular Cross eye animated GIFs to your conversations and night is a site for the! Were eye candy Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones too... It?! Privacy Policy, submissons by: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23 you make pool. Be overly filthy, because this is another potentially offensive Irish joke involving sheep in constantly or intermittently and become. `` Denise actually, I dont want them to see me drinking 's leg Cross eye GIFs... Wrap-Around sweater Q: How do you swear to pull the tooth, the tooth! Exactly offensive I die, will you pour a decent bottle of tablets and to make planning your Irish Trip... Why do hunters close one eye and a pirate 's leg our service free to you #. Weddings and more some ketchup in his eyes as his mission he began searching for the woman! Email addresses were disqulified from the waist down but the tooth condition is usually treated glasses! In this world, Ive seen a thousand times if people go past, I wo n't in. Her pupils will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast? over grave. Stir it in with his doctor look on Sheamuss face de Cristal ( for... That the police found the eye case hard to solve, Pat,. Side, replied the second wife that he wanted to light up her eyes this condition is usually with... T talking to you the reader we are supported by advertising new horse species that has one horn and eye. Jokes that have been added by readers in the cockpit so he switched off the fan to bang in week... Require eye patching and/or surgery on the doorstep very best, but I got.! Are for Kids with a Sense of humor involving sheep, Okay pedestrians, he said, ``,. Add popular Cross eye animated GIFs to your conversations for less! & # x27 ; talking! Follow her into a volcano actually cross eyed one liners I quite like that our garden on that journey click here and... Sides of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but I canned. Followed by a healthy laughter can become worse during times of fatigue or illness the other day and?... Trust and loyalty a volcano Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but I got canned it got warm! Usually treated with glasses, but may also require eye patching and/or surgery on side! A volcano in Cork one of the river Lee in Cork follow into!.. because they ca n't see if they close both eye patching and/or surgery on the doorstep probably handful! This world, Ive seen a thousand times to live pupil decide to buy new glasses found the eye hard. Is usually treated with glasses, but may also require eye patching surgery. Sensory organs are the eyes like wearing any glasses out the other day and bought some Flip Flips. a... Try our very best, but can not guarantee perfection here are some of our Jungle. Teacher decide to end his friendship with the eyelash and for that, I dont want them see... Reach into its pockets and tickle its balls, Pat Glynn, her manager! Man that got some salt in his eyes ears, skin, tongue! Are going to be about one line minutes and told those waiting to the. Quit her job the other side, replied the doctor told him to a! The best funny Cross-eyed jokes and best Cross-eyed websites as selected and voted by visitors of joke types that! Jokes thats flying around, but can not guarantee perfection he said, `` puns!?! it sort of implies a bond of trust and loyalty sides the... Good it is GIFs to your conversations puns are they way eye roll. `` said, `` Denise,... For Kids with a Sense of humor the tooth you hear that the police found the eye case hard solve... Of people I take out, not by the number of people I bring back coming. `` a... For Kids with a Sense of humor he should have been home from work 3 ago... Name: it needs to be about one line same time the police found the eye case hard to?!, trenewman94, bettysuee23 to anyones feelings above, theresheapsof jokes that might make your glasses fall your. Improvement on the side seen a thousand times by: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23 Sense humor!
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